Camping on beach

got told my friend's bachelorette party may be a campout on the beach!
In December!!
I'm excited, because if so, this one can be marked off my list :)

So, I haven't heard back from my sister. I don't know if I ever will.
At least I tried, right?

Meanwhile, photography organization is going down quite nicely, but still has a long way to go.

Also,
#3 Give away something valuable.
I gave away a lens I had. I didn't technically need it, but it sure as heck came in handy. I honestly think it took better pictures than my equivalent. But, still, I felt God tuggin' on my heart to give it to a dear friend of mine.
Honestly, it was fairly easy to give away. I've built up a way of thinking that makes it easier to give things away when Jesus says to.
I didn't even give it a second thought--until afterwards.
But, then I took comfort in the knowledge of...screw what my parents would think, just don't tell them. You made a difference in that friend's life.
I want to continue this one.

#21 Have someone named after me.
My friend Jackie got married to a guy with the last name of Ayers. (which is my last name.)
Well, she facebook messaged me the other day telling me she's expecting, and if it's a girl, her name will be Anastacia Emilee Ayers.
I'm pretty excited.

goals back on the list.

so, the circus didn't happen...
I still have yet to see an elephant.
Back on the list it goes...

I still haven't heard from my Sister, but I tried, right?

Shaving my head could actually happen.
I met a friend, Kayla, she's having her sixth brain surgery soon...
I'd love to support her by shaving mine..
she told me something she told her mom about how this surgery is different than the others.
"Mom, this time I have friends!"
This girl has a disease that is one in 2million
and the fact that it's not genetic makes it even mooore rare.

But, she's defying odds.
I support that.
She's hard core.

Number 9.

Meet my brother.

Well, I successfully found my sister and brother's addresses...
I wrote my sister. I have no idea if she'll ever write back... I forgot to put an email address and stuff, but that night I had a dream like she called me. I can still hear her voice in my head, and there are times I look in the mirror and catch myself thinking, "I look like Shelly" although, I'm not even sure what she looks like...

My brother's birthday is coming up. I'm thinking of mailing him a card. It couldn't hurt, right?
I'm just afraid the mail will be returned.
I really want to know my siblings... I have no idea what happened that they don't talk to us anymore, but I don't like it. I want to know my family.

We'll see what comes of this.

PS. There's a hurricane coming--ish. Hurricane Alex. I don't think it's gonna hit us, but it might make the circus be canceled... :( Very sad day...

a few updates.

So, the circus is coming to town! And if everything goes according to plan, I get to go :D

Plus, I accomplished a rather ridiculous, unspoken life goal.
I have always been able to go for ridiculously long amounts of time without going to the bathroom, but 19 hours seemed to be the limit.
Well, when camping last weekend, I successfully went 28 1/2 hours.
What the heck?!
I didn't even realize until well into the 26th hour.

woot! haha, I'm so dumb! I love it :)

work in progress. finally.

25. Get my photography organized

ahhh, so I've FINALLY been able to start on this one!
I got my old hard drive that had crashed hooked up, so now I'm trying to go through and find which files are salvagable, and which I must say goodbye to.
Sadly, I've lost some important ones, but thankfully, I've managed to keep ones of core importance.
like of my friend that died when I was in Delware.
I think some of the ones from my dear friend that is moving that I was going to print out for her wedding are corrupt...
I'll have to wait until tomorrow for sure.
Also some from my friend Sarah's birthday are gone...but most of the important ones were okay.
Plus, thankfully, facebook has some of them.
the quality won't be anything comparable to good. but whatever.

It's been a roller coaster, going through these pictures.
It's amazing where one simple year will take you...
...how the distance of like, 30 miles or less can seperate friendships...
I've had to stop my spinning head and regain my thinking and security that everything will be okay, that it's not my fault certain people aren't in my life, and that everything will work out how it's supposed to be.
I can't keep making lifetime friends out of ones that are only meant for a season.

But I'm learning, and it's good.
Nothing, not a second, was in vain
even if I don't see it or understand it now.

Once I get all this done, I'm gonna start organizing which to print, which to potentially sell, and start watermarking.
Looking into signing up at an art gallery, too. Still weighing that out.

But, most importantly, I'll be able to go on more adventures! Replace the pictures that the hard drive ate...

Thanks, Holly.

7. Do something that scares the crap out of me

My friend and I were discussing this one
she told me that all you would have to do would be to drop me in the middle of Houston and tell me to drive home

I absolutely haaaaate being lost.
And phones.
Which I had to call the wire room at work the other day, and I was absolutely mortified at the end of it, so I guess I have accomplished this one.
But I want it to be continuous.

Unspoken.

I guess there are probably a few of these--The unspoken life goals of mine...
There are things deep inside of me that I wish to accomplish, but couldn't think of while making the list.

One of them, I accomplished today.

I signed up to donate my organs.
This is really a big deal to me.
I really want someone to get my heart...
So, I guess I can add that to my list
38. Donate my organs (give someone my heart)

This may be one of the things on my list that is most important to me.
And, it's out of my control.

I'm the 695,794th Texan registered.

Predicament.

So. I was approached with the opportunity to complete #23 on my list--Camp out on the beach
the catch?
I could get in trouble...

okay. here's the deal.
It's for a friend's twenty-first birthday.
Yep, you guessed it. There will be lots of drinking.
Which, you know, whatever. If you're of age, that's your deal...
buuuuut, most of the people that will be there will be minors
and I know they can get rambunctious
If you put a few drinks in them? I can only imagine...

At first, I agreed to go... but now, I'm kinda not feeling too good about it
They say they know how to hide it, and I'm sure they do. But still, if we get caught, that's my butt that gets in trouble.
What would that say?
Plus, I'd be amongst the oldest ones there, so a lot of it would fall on me...

I just hate it, because these are a group of friends that I feel I've drifted from a bit, and the fact that they invited me means a lot. And I want to go. I want to keep the connection. I don't want them to think I'm lame. I can hold my own.
But, then I think about it.
I'm 21.
Why would I want to be with a bunch of 17 year olds?
Haven't I left high school back in high school?
Why would I want to fit with them...
shouldn't I be the example?

I just hate it. Because I feel the pressure from them. That they see me as lower or whatever for not doing these things. Then I miss out on a lot of the jokes and stuff. And I'm just left out.

Maybe that's okay.
I mean, I wouldn't have to drink, and they know I wouldn't...but that's quite a risk
Plus, I don't know how I would handle it...
I know it would break my heart seeing such precious people--some of the youth I've fought for spiritually--drinking and all that...
I don't know if this sensitive heart of mine can take it.

update

here are two more extensions of my list

36. Mud wrestle
37. Meet Demi Lovato and Selena Gomez

I was going back in my old journals, and I read some of the things I had previously written on lists.

I think the first thing I was actually able to mark off of my list was
"Go to New York"
This was actually caused by some pretty unfortunate situations.
I was a live in nanny, but left early to give them some space. Long, complicated story aside, my sister flew up to Delaware to drive back with me. She had a friend in New Jersey she had never met in person, so we got ahold of her. In doing so, I told them I was bummed I wasn't gonna get to go to New York like we had planned with the family.
She fixed that right up :)
We also got to meet her friend who's on Broadway.
I want to go back to NY, more than a day, actually see a broadway show and stuff, but I've been there.
This made me really happy, because people always group together "Rome, London, Paris, and New York" and I had been to the other three, but not the one in my own country...

Now I have :)

here's a few extensions.

Some more I've come up with.
well, I found them in an old journal, just forgot them on the original list

31. Write a song
32. Go to Morocco
33. Go on another missions trip
34. Sell photos I’ve taken
35. Change the world.

there's the extensions.
We'll see how it goes, I suppose

Here's the list.

so, here's the list thus far.
I'll post updates on things I've already crossed off since I've been writing these (I found my first one not too long ago. I laughed)
I'll also post updates when I'm inspired :)

Bucket List
1. Start a blog (a legit one)
2. Complain less
3. Give away something valuable
4. Visit Rome again
5. Find my grandma’s grave
6. Meet my brother
7. Do something that scares the crap out of me
8. Buy someone’s gas/groceries (someone I don’t know)
9. Let 99 red balloons go
10.Make headlines
11. Save a life
12. See an elephant
13. Ride an elephant
14. Get a better job
15. Do something spontaneous
16. Shave my head (maybe)
17. Inspire a song
18. Publish something I’ve written
19. Defy odds
20. Successfully cook something from scratch—with no “incidents”
21. Have someone named after me
22. Visit Canada
23. Camp out on the beach
24. See a Broadway show
25. Get my photography organized
26. Open an art gallery
27. Lose 10 pounds and maintain it
28. Show true kindness—to everyone.
29. Make the most of every day I’m given.
30. Produce twin girls.

so here it is.

This is my blog for my "bucket list"
I've been writing down my goals and stuff long before the movie or the MTV show... so why not put it on the internet for everyone to see?
Hah.
If nothing else, it keeps it in front of me, kinda keeps me accountable for it.
So, alas, I shall be posting the list thus far soon.
Posts will follow about some of the things on the list, and stories of when some of the things get completed, as well as past ones I have already marked off the list
here goes everything!