Unspoken.

I guess there are probably a few of these--The unspoken life goals of mine...
There are things deep inside of me that I wish to accomplish, but couldn't think of while making the list.

One of them, I accomplished today.

I signed up to donate my organs.
This is really a big deal to me.
I really want someone to get my heart...
So, I guess I can add that to my list
38. Donate my organs (give someone my heart)

This may be one of the things on my list that is most important to me.
And, it's out of my control.

I'm the 695,794th Texan registered.

Predicament.

So. I was approached with the opportunity to complete #23 on my list--Camp out on the beach
the catch?
I could get in trouble...

okay. here's the deal.
It's for a friend's twenty-first birthday.
Yep, you guessed it. There will be lots of drinking.
Which, you know, whatever. If you're of age, that's your deal...
buuuuut, most of the people that will be there will be minors
and I know they can get rambunctious
If you put a few drinks in them? I can only imagine...

At first, I agreed to go... but now, I'm kinda not feeling too good about it
They say they know how to hide it, and I'm sure they do. But still, if we get caught, that's my butt that gets in trouble.
What would that say?
Plus, I'd be amongst the oldest ones there, so a lot of it would fall on me...

I just hate it, because these are a group of friends that I feel I've drifted from a bit, and the fact that they invited me means a lot. And I want to go. I want to keep the connection. I don't want them to think I'm lame. I can hold my own.
But, then I think about it.
I'm 21.
Why would I want to be with a bunch of 17 year olds?
Haven't I left high school back in high school?
Why would I want to fit with them...
shouldn't I be the example?

I just hate it. Because I feel the pressure from them. That they see me as lower or whatever for not doing these things. Then I miss out on a lot of the jokes and stuff. And I'm just left out.

Maybe that's okay.
I mean, I wouldn't have to drink, and they know I wouldn't...but that's quite a risk
Plus, I don't know how I would handle it...
I know it would break my heart seeing such precious people--some of the youth I've fought for spiritually--drinking and all that...
I don't know if this sensitive heart of mine can take it.

update

here are two more extensions of my list

36. Mud wrestle
37. Meet Demi Lovato and Selena Gomez

I was going back in my old journals, and I read some of the things I had previously written on lists.

I think the first thing I was actually able to mark off of my list was
"Go to New York"
This was actually caused by some pretty unfortunate situations.
I was a live in nanny, but left early to give them some space. Long, complicated story aside, my sister flew up to Delaware to drive back with me. She had a friend in New Jersey she had never met in person, so we got ahold of her. In doing so, I told them I was bummed I wasn't gonna get to go to New York like we had planned with the family.
She fixed that right up :)
We also got to meet her friend who's on Broadway.
I want to go back to NY, more than a day, actually see a broadway show and stuff, but I've been there.
This made me really happy, because people always group together "Rome, London, Paris, and New York" and I had been to the other three, but not the one in my own country...

Now I have :)

here's a few extensions.

Some more I've come up with.
well, I found them in an old journal, just forgot them on the original list

31. Write a song
32. Go to Morocco
33. Go on another missions trip
34. Sell photos I’ve taken
35. Change the world.

there's the extensions.
We'll see how it goes, I suppose

Here's the list.

so, here's the list thus far.
I'll post updates on things I've already crossed off since I've been writing these (I found my first one not too long ago. I laughed)
I'll also post updates when I'm inspired :)

Bucket List
1. Start a blog (a legit one)
2. Complain less
3. Give away something valuable
4. Visit Rome again
5. Find my grandma’s grave
6. Meet my brother
7. Do something that scares the crap out of me
8. Buy someone’s gas/groceries (someone I don’t know)
9. Let 99 red balloons go
10.Make headlines
11. Save a life
12. See an elephant
13. Ride an elephant
14. Get a better job
15. Do something spontaneous
16. Shave my head (maybe)
17. Inspire a song
18. Publish something I’ve written
19. Defy odds
20. Successfully cook something from scratch—with no “incidents”
21. Have someone named after me
22. Visit Canada
23. Camp out on the beach
24. See a Broadway show
25. Get my photography organized
26. Open an art gallery
27. Lose 10 pounds and maintain it
28. Show true kindness—to everyone.
29. Make the most of every day I’m given.
30. Produce twin girls.

so here it is.

This is my blog for my "bucket list"
I've been writing down my goals and stuff long before the movie or the MTV show... so why not put it on the internet for everyone to see?
Hah.
If nothing else, it keeps it in front of me, kinda keeps me accountable for it.
So, alas, I shall be posting the list thus far soon.
Posts will follow about some of the things on the list, and stories of when some of the things get completed, as well as past ones I have already marked off the list
here goes everything!